Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Let It Commence

My first one!
Title: fez finds the perfect womanor does he!
Author: Kept secret.

OK, I'll introduce the characters who MST beforehand. Carter T. Roboto is a droid from Moder 27, a secret ship orbiting Pluto. Judd is human, sent up to Moder from the ISS to spy on the Moder astronauts and droids, but was caught and is now being forced to read bad fan fiction. The third MSTer is Whitey Malone, a female robot who hides out in the Mystery Science Fiction Theatre. Occasionally Prof. Melter and Bunsen, who are head of scientific studies in the Moder labs, drop into poke fun, along with Sal, Judd's second cousin twice-removed, who is also living in Moder. Lame, I know, I'll create a full story tonight.

I do not intentionally pick on authors who's writing skills aren't as good as they could. I try to randomize, and plus I pick a different genre (TV show) every time (though I do prefer T7S fic, I like switching) so really it's near impossible to just end up having the same author's stories on here. If you think I'm abusing someone in anyway shoot me an email or comment. Since this is my first, the riffing is very lame, but I promise it'll get better. Seriously.

Fez is sitting in the basement and Donna and Eric walk and Fez starts crying. Donna says ‘Fez what’s wrong?’ And Fez says ‘I’ll never get a girlfriend!!!’ Eric then says ‘no sweat, we’ll help you find the perfect woman’ Fez says ‘thanks but I don’t think there’s much hope for me, most girls don’t even like my smell’ Donna says ‘I no a lot of girls who would love to date you’ ‘Really!?’ says Fez

Carter: Stop! Where is the punctuation?
Judd (as author): I wunda wut dat skwigly line is neer da M!?!?! and wuts dat dot neer da skwigly line?!?!
‘A....no but who cares I’m sure there are people I don’t know like you’ says Donna ‘Ok ill take your word for it’ says Fez smiling at the same time Donna mumbles to Eric ‘it’s hopeless’ Eric nods and agrees. Kelso comes in with some non-brand fast food. ‘Hey anyone wants some’ says Michael his mouth full of food with sauce all around his mouth. ‘Err...I’ll pass’ says Eric ‘Ok more for me’ says Michael ‘Hey what’s up with fez?’ says kelso ‘Don’t ask’ says Eric Hey I no I’ll talk to some of my old girlfriends I bet there

Whitey: Their..there.. come on people, it's not that hard.

single-‘says Donna ‘And desperate’ interrupts Kelso ‘I’ll give some of them a call’ says Donna

Chapter 2 Donna helps Fez.

It’s the day after, well yesterday and Donna is reading a piece of paper. Fez walks in and Donna says; ‘rite I talked to one of my friends and she agreed to go on a date with you!’ ‘Oh really’ says Fez ‘I’m so excited what’s her name?’ ‘Her name is Jo’ says Donna ‘she’s got blond hair and blue eyes, last time I saw her she was great’ ‘ahhhhh’ fez sighs ‘after she sees me she’ll probably do something stupid like make herself ugly and pretend she has an overly heavy pro wrestler for a boyfriend’‘No she wont now you’re gonna pick her up at her house at 8.o’clock’ says Donna while handing Fez a piece of paper with Jo’s address on. ‘Ohhhh but what if she doesn’t like me? What if she thinks I’m weird?, what if she thinks I’m gay?’ says Fez ‘She wont’ says Donna ‘How do you know?’ says Fez ‘Well...she just, wont, trust me’ Donna says ‘ok, I’m so excited!, but oh no, oh no this is not good, my elbow is strangely more hairy than normal, it usually grows faster when something bad is going to happen, so that must mean-‘says fez ‘1st What? And 2nd ewwwww gross’ says Donna ‘Shut up!!

Judd: Exactly!

Can’t you see I’m hurting! Anyway something will go wrong on this date I just know it, it always does’ says Fez ‘Now listen trust me it won’t’ says Donna ‘Oh, ok but only coz you say so’ Fez says.

Chapter 3 the DATE!

So fez is stood outside Jo’s house and he’s really nervous when a man comes to the door and opens it. ‘Hello can I help you?’ said the man ‘Hello I’m-, wait how did you know I was at the door?’ says Fez ‘Coz I could hear you mumbling to yourself about your elbow and answering the door and a date and something else’ says the man ‘Oh well anyway I’m looking for Jo, my friend called and told her about me I’m Fez’ Fez says ‘Wait is your friend Donna?’ says the man 'Yeah....so’ says fez 'But you see I’m Jo' says that man 'but you can’t be Jo is the perfect woman for me according to Donna’ says fez 'Ohh I know I must've forgot to tell her,’ says the man 'Tell her what?' says Fez 'tell her that, I...I...I got a sex change!’

Carter: Yeah, nice lie. I have to tell you, I'm really a male, but I forgot to mention it. I mean, it's so hard to remember!
Whitey: Who tought this kid to write?
Judd: Probably the same guy who taught Jennifer Lopez how to act. I watched Gigli today. No human should ever have to go though the torture of seeing that.
Carter: Same with this story!

says Jo 'You forgot to tell her something like that?!' says Fez 'Well I didn’t mean to it just slipped my mind' says Jo 'So what do we do now' says Fez 'Well...if you want you can still come in' says Jo 'Why would you want me to come in?’ says fez 'Well the thing is I’m gay!’

Judd (as author): Lyk, i shuld mak a shoking plott twist!! Jo is gay!!

says the man 'Oh my god!' says Fez 'I no, I no, it’s hard to believe that someone as good-looking as me would be gay but its true’ says Jo 'So how about it?' says Jo smiling 'I...err.....cant g...gotta g...go to doctors apointment' says fez 'Oh don’t leave me please fez' says Jo 'I have to go and get the fungus removed from my foot'

Carter: That's a nice pick-up line. I have fungus on my toe, sexy, come on, let's go out! Or rather.. "I have influenza, let's make this happen."

says fez 'Ill call you....bi hey, nice ass!' says Jo The door slams in fez's face and he mumbles to himself 'I’m gonna kill Donna' he says angrily

Judd: Yes, let's massacre Donna.
Carter: We should try and get Gunnar Hansen to reprise his role.
Whitey: Maybe
Judd: Or Farrah Fawcett can burn down her house while she's in bed!
Carter: You know, how much bad fan fic is out there?
Whitey: You really want to know, Carter?
Carter: Lord, no.


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